lamer~

waaaa fml

hihi

have been posting alot here

cos i cant post on facebook

today had diarhoea so did nt go to school.

for the first time,

i took mc,

and did not go for work either.

lol.

sian

one day pay gone.

but lucky for me,

kenni is quite understanding.

he'd rather me be sick and not come than to not come without a reason or quit.

lol

aiya i dunno wat to do lehh

meeting with alot of problems.

why cant we not meet, settle things

and not get pissed at each other

-.- wtf u want me to do?

i'm in a very difficult position lehh

-.-

watever larh.

i'm still thinking whether to go tomorrow or not

fucking hell.

-.-

this is driving me mad.

I shouldnt have liked u in the first place.

like wtf am i putting myself through now?

-.-

FML.

so difficult for u to leave me alone without feeling pissed meh?

-.-

FML!!!

The more i contact u,

the more i see ur god darn face

the more i like u

then how the fuck am i gonna go on with my life.

wtf

wat do u want from me?!

Feeling a hell load better

Haha

now abit zi high~

:)

I'm feeling a hell load better since just now when i posted at school

woots~

blog ftw~

hardly anyone knows i have a blog

so not many know what i'm posting.

Talked to clone for darn long today,

finally released all my stress.

i think she is one of the few i can really cry in front of.

haha.

very good conversation we had.

:)

The chat with poon yong today when i visited her house was excellent. :)

very destressing :)

havent felt so relaxed in ages. :)

put down all the burden and dun think about anything else.

wat a nice feeling. :)

Frustrated

Hais.

Once again.

Wa lao.

headache like shit luhh...

fucking hell

dunno why everywhere i go i am treated the same way.

sian

having a facebook account and updating it is so wrong.

Yesterday I took over carson's shift,

andrew was telling me about the pizza trays

I told him i'll never do cutter

so i dun need know.

he was like, u wanna do cutter?

i said, no, never do before

he said try larh

i was like ok lo, i cant do service with a fucking hurting wrist anw.

then i asked who doing cutter

he said elsie.

i was like then nvm la, i stay at service.

cos elsie dun like service.

then after a while she came out pissed.

i was like huh?

she said

u wanna do cutter u do la. just dun cut ur hand will do.

I question mark and went in.

then she was pissed at me since then

wtf.

i have so many things on my mind already.

i'm worried about band.

i'm frustrated over movie production,

i'm having people calling me all the time

wtf,

i have to face her crap too?

I only slept one hour

supervisors saw that i wasnt focused.

my fault?

her losing the station was my fault.

vent on me can liaos

why must vent on the rest?

i seriously dun get her lo.

I have been bearing with her for 6 months already.

wtf how much more energy do i have to explain her actions to others

telling them to bear with her as well?

wa piang

very tired liao sia.

amy keep calling me to go back to join them

finally quit

and she's taking a good timing to jio me back

i'm like wtf.

how much must i take?

I dun have super powers leh.

lao eh

fucking hell

damn fed up

posted on facebook this morning scolding marc

wa piang elsie come and post on her wall to reply

darn tired lehh.

its a good thing i didnt add that group on facebook,

if not double whammo.

then mervin told me she hack my facebook.

like wtf

damn fed up sia

until i went to block her from my walls,

then i went to deactivate my facebook account.

wa lao eh

grow up larh.

u're pissed at me so u hack my facebook to see an event and scold ur boyfriend?

why do i always have to be involved in ur matters?

i'm sick and tired of it already.

now, u're the biggest thing on my mind now.

freaking frustrated.

I dunno how long i can bear with all these people.

and please larh marc,

we may be very close in the past,

doesnt mean that u can ignore the basic respect in speech we should recieve as humans.

I may be nice

but i face my own problems

and elsie,

please get ur facts right,

it has been a really bad habit of urs

ur temper can really kill;

my temper may be bad,

but i dun think i treat u this way when i'm pissed

i believe in treating people the way i want them to treat me.

if i dun treat u that way, i hope u can consider my feelings more.

really thankful to tingwei, has been my output these few days.

i've been giving mervin alot of crap though.

cos i vent whatever anger i have with elsie on him.

but i cant consider that much anymore.

sometimes i really think that ending my life would be alot better.

I dun get it lo

is it because of my weird personality combination with my temper,

that i'm always so vulnarable towards all these?

wtf.

i have a real bad headache and feel very dizzy

most prob lack of sleep.

i dunno.

i'm gonna settle what i can

i'm finally gonna force myself to leave mervin and elsie.

they'll be better off without me anyway.

band i'm gonna try and help

amy and marc,

i'm still considering.

and i have to finish my video editing asap.

alot of things in my head, exploding soon.

*ps. i'm just venting all i can. i may seem like i'm talking to the parties, but i dont. i'm just venting.*

work

Bad... ...

Since I last blogged, alot alot alot of things happened.

unhappy stuff.

things that i do not want to mention.

today's post will be quite long.

from the things I will forgot the most easily,

to things I will never ever forget in my entire life.

Today, Karen sms-ed me during class to ask me to work today.

I agreed to it because I was pissed at mervin.

and its an excuse not to meet them as well.

Then Brian sms-ed me to ask me to work at CNS on a regular basis.

wow

wat day is it man?

work day?

watever the case,

I'm working at CNS on a regular basis on every friday at 6 pm.

while working today, saw a very gay guy.

wearing light purple. o.o

and his wallet is that type of old auntie bring out and fold their notes in to small rectangular kind.

omg

i almost puked.

maybe because of how i am used to looking at these type of guys weirdly with elsie when we're out.

anyway.

went to the dentist today.

realised that I broke 2 brackets just because I eat mentos.

hopefully it does not delay the period of taking my braces off.

how time flies.

since the first time i was uncomfortable putting it on

until now and 3 years have passed.

and so many things I have went through... ...

still, I have not grown up.

i'm still that small little me.

sad.

today at work talked to wenxian.

I felt that this year even though we spent the same period of time

he has grown so much this year

his year was so much well spent

he learnt so much.

and here I am.

so what if he did not go up to poly and retained?

he learnt so much more

he learnt how to be resillient

he learnt how to put up with the negative things people talk behind his back

he learnt how to overcome depression.

so what if i managed to come up to poly?

I learnt nothing.

well, life wise.

academic wise

i dunno whether i even absorbed anything although i've been doing relatively well in my work.

his life this year was so much well spent back in secondary school.

what am i doing in poly?

wasting my time.

play pool all day.

slack around

do nothing else.

this year to me is kinda wasted.

other than the people I meet.

When I first went into RP

I was hurt because of being out casted by classmates during the past years.

I hope to make more new friends

and tentatively find a new boyfriend.

since the last one was quite wrong.

anw

when i first entered class

I found the people there relatively nice.

I thought things will change

apparently it did not.

mervin and i got out casted mainly because of our good grades.

and I found him quite annoying.

slowly when we reached around the middle of the sem,

I started to like him for some reason.

we started sticking around and stuff.

then as time passes I found him even more annoying

because classmates start thinking the both of us were together

and because they do not like mervin,

they out casted me even more.

after some time i got used to it,

then i was fine with it.

as time passes and elsie entered into my life

i realised that,

everything has repeated itself.

when in secondary school got outcasted,

thought i could focus on just revolving my life about someone else to numb being outcasted

got hurt

and do not have the courage to do anything anymore.

things have just repeated itself.

although they did force it out of me yesterday

they did try and change things yesterday

but i went home thinking

lucky i did not walk off once again

but what have i just done... ...?

the pain is going to drag even longer.

3 people, hoping it will turn out the better way

2 people trying their best to keep it going

1 person afraid. me.

I really ask myself.

do you really want to go through this once again?

why do you always just care about what you want?

have you thought about the consequences?

isnt wanting nothing alot better?

I dunno.

can you take it once again to disappoint everyone again?

i dunno.

i dunno what answer i should give myself

to get myself convinced.

have not been eating well nor sleeping well.

from eating 6 meals a day

to not even a proper meal.

insomnia is not helping at all.

i'm kinda lost

but no one else can help me.

trying to get myself to work more often to cover my own pool expenses.

and to reduce the time i spend with the both of them.

killing 2 birds with one stone i guess?

3.

to reduce the time i play pool so that i can earn money instead of spending money.

as a perfectionist,

i really want everything to be in place.

not everything out of place like it is now.

the worse sentence i can get from anyone is that

"i'm disappointed"

because in whatever i do

i will try my best.

unless i'm unwilling.

and if people are still disappointed with my best,

i'm demoralized.

and that is how i feel now.

there are too many people potentially to get disappointed now.

and many people who already are.

I dunno how much more i can take.

its a good thing all the penknives i have from past years have rusted because i did not touch them this year,

but it would really come in handy if they have not rusted at this point of time.

you get what i mean.

Daughtry - Over you lyrics

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Alot of things happened these few days... ...

i'm sick and tired.

dessert house always last minute ask me to go bak and do sai gang

I dunno how long more I can take all of these shit.

Tomorrow, things over at my personal side is going to be settled.

我不可以心软，一定要坚强！

ＭＥＲＶＩＮ TAY!　I'M OVER YOU!

now i just have to pack up the mess i've got myself in.

when see elsie must stand firm,

seeing her and my heart softening all the time will not work.

But somehow i know that this will not just end like that.

i'm very lost about what I should do.

I feel very tired about them quarreling about me all the time when I practically did not do anything

just because i dun show it does not mean i'm really not tired!

i'm super exhausted!

I just feel like crying out loud!

I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING MY HEAD OFF BUT I CAN'T!

ONE SIDE IS MY CLOSE FRIEND AND THE PERSON I ONCE LIKED

THE OTHER SIDE IS MY GIRLFRIEND

HELLO!

YOU GUYS ARE THE OFFICIAL NORMAL COUPLE HERE!

MUST YOU ALWAYS QUARREL?

I FEEL SO TIRED ALWAYS SANDWICHED BETWEEN THE BOTH OF YOU!

YOU GUYS MEAN ALOT TO ME!

I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOU GUYS END UP THIS WAY!

I DON'T AND WON'T FEEL GOOD!

I CAN'T CONCENTRATE ON ANYTHING AT ALL!

DOING EVERYTHING HALF HEARTEDLY

WHY EVERYTIME I TRY AND MAKE CLOSE FRIENDS I WILL ALWAYS GET THIS TYPE OF SHIT?

FIRST WAS YEEMAN

NOW ITS MERVIN AND ELSIE

AM I NOT FATED TO MEET AND MAKE CLOSE FRIENDS?

MUST EVERYONE IN MY LIFE BE A PASSERBY?

I JUST WANTED AND I JUST NEED ABOUT 3 OR 4 PEOPLE TO JUST STAND BY ME

IS THAT SO DARN DIFFICULT?!

FIONA LIM JING YI

THERE MUST BE SOMETHING VERY WRONG WITH YOU

YOU ARE NOT CUT OUT TO BE A CLOSE FRIEND

I HATE YOU!

I HATE MYSELF!

=)

These few days quite fun.

end F1 lerh

the day b4 go chalet.

yesterday went out with mervin elsie and yat

got lost in the rain again. =)

got a new girlfriend too! =)

then darling ran in the rain while i walked barefooted.

we took cab back to amk from marina bay sands

then we went to play pool

while playing pool ate mac to keep ourselves warm

then we went to sumo house and eat.

after that we went to VL play jubeat.

yat played guitar.

then darling and the guys went home

while i went dh.

then rushed wendy's notes out

then sleep

today woke up at 6.

then went back to sleep at 8.

woke up and eat medicine cos headache plus flu

then woke up at 5 + eat med

watch tv until 6.45 i went dh.

now i'm blogging.

looking back at my previous posts i feel like crying.

cos wendy and i chatted about change.

so i went to read through my own posts to see how much i have changed.

and i feel like crying... ...

First Day @ Fairmont Hotel

I'll keep this short.

you will know why later.

one of the reasons is because i'm tired.

today reached meeting place practically 1/2 hour b4 meeting time

then walked around, ate breakfast.

met up. went over to hotel.

wahaha.

then sign in,

got uniform, then went for a 2 n 1/2 hour briefing.

then had practical.

they didnt't tell us it was lunch,

so we ate little,

and starved until end shift.

lucky my outlet supervisor give us tea break.

anw,

yah then after practical split into the kitchens.

then started peeling and chopping asparagus.

I swear on my life i will not eat another asparagus!!!!

then went to cut something called yellow squach.

while my Interest Group of Culinary teammates,

we call it culinary IG,

chopped lobster meat. frozen.

and i cut my finger because it slipped while i was cutting squach.

thats why i do not want to type too much.

hoping it will function tomorrow.

then we ended work,

went mdh.

went home.

hoping tomorrow will be better!

hmmmmn

Today was enterprise UT3.

sucks ttm.

cannot even understand the questions.

hope they moderate until like crazy... ...

went to chong boon park for a short walk just now.

changed alot.

well, alot of renovations i guess.

the exercise thingy changed,

more shelters coming out,

etc.

that area changed quite abit too.

abit... ...

unfamilliar already.

changes always happen.

noone can give the exact reason why they happen.

people change,

environment change,

goals change,

dreams change,

habit change,

personality change,

everything change.

i dun like change.

at all.

just hope i wont fail any of my UT cos if i fail my GPA for any module i gotta retake. =(

why ain't you around when i need you the most? why am i always thinking of someone that will never be with me again only during crucial periods?